Signs That You're Ready to Wear Taupe
Are You Decorating for the Holidays with Children, or Playing the Lead in a Heist Movie?
I'm Michelangelo, and Everyone on this Ceiling is as Naked and Jacked as God Intended
Please Come to My Emotional Labor Day Barbecue
I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Forty-Eight Pencils I Need for School Orientation Tomorrow
Talking Heads Lyrics, or Words My Kid Strings Together at Bedtime Instead of Falling Asleep at a Reasonable Hour?
I'm Vincent Van Gogh, and I Painted That Way Because I Knew it Would Look Really Sweet on a Mousepad
I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Forty-Seven Valentines I Need to Take to School Tomorrow
Are You Vacationing with Children or Starring in a Gripping Medical Drama?
My Mother's Day Gift to Myself is This Dissociative Episode in Costco
Are You Preparing Dinner for Children or Starring in a Post-Apocalyptic Drama?
Are you Baking Cookies with Children or Starring in a Gritty Crime Procedural?
Welcome to Your At-Home High Intensity Interval Toddler Class!
On the Seventh Day, God Created Parenting, and Then Parenting Created Coffee
Early Agent Feedback for Wutherton, An Emily Bronte Musical
Female Character Written by Hemingway, or My New Houseplant?
Herr Drosselmeyer, It Grieves Me to Disinvite You and Your Nutcracker from Future Holiday Parties
Things You Shout at Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shout at Your Children While Shouting at Colleagues Over Zoom?
Writer's Digest: "Writing Light When the World is Heavy"
Lost Balloon: "A Perfect Facsimile of Flight"
Bracken Magazine: "A Field Guide for Arboreal Memory Storage"
Pithead Chapel: "Prism of Impact"
Cease, Cows: "First Moments Through a Looking Glass"
Twin Pies: "You Are Cordially Invited to the Dirty Laundry Formal"
Fudoki Magazine: "Elegy of Branches"
National Flash Fiction Day:
2022: "A Poor Workman Blames His Tools"
2021: "The Devil You Know"
Women Writers, Women's Books
"I Feel Qualified to Write About a Luxury Sports Car Despite Never Touching One"
Women Writers, Women's Books
"If Brevity is the Soul of Wit, Can I Ever Write a Funny Book?"
Gingerbread House Literary Magazine:
Into the Void:
A Tale of Love and Raisin Bread
Small Feats of Heroism My Father Has Performed
An Oral History of Saint Patrick by the Snakes He Banished from Ireland
Remarks by an Archaeologist Excavating Ruins, or By Your Dad While Clearing Out the Fridge for Thanksgiving?
Excerpts from the Erotic Thriller I Wrote Despite My Overwhelming Discomfort with Sex Scenes
As This Neighborhood's Oldest Rubber Yard Zombie, I Call for an End to our Severed Arms Race
Rely on Small Child Construction for the Home Office Improvement Needs You Didn't Know You Had
Creating A Swan-Filled Lake as My Own Personal Dating Pool Has Gone Horribly Awry
Excerpts From Are You There, God? It's Me, Momgret
The Hurricane Association Condemns the Use of Performance-Enhancing Markers
Transcripts of the Calls I Imagine 911 Receives About My Parenting
A Heartfelt "Thank You" to Swimsuit Designers
Our Family's Swimsuits Were Designed by World-Famous Architect Frank Gehry, and Innovation is Worth Some Discomfort
(9th place winner, 2021 Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge)
Pilot Transcript for HGTV's Playhouse Hunters
I'm the Rotting Cabbage on Your Windowsill, and I'm Begging You to Stop Pretending You're a Gardener
Euphemisms for the Sex You Try to Have When Your House is Also Your Office, School, Daycare, and 24-Hour Recreational Facility
MANUFRACTURE is a Brutal DIY Experience Where Only the Strong Survive
Our New Weight Loss App for Kids is Totally Worth the Risk
A Beginner's Guide to Power Washers
Things You're Still Shouting At Your Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shouting At Your Children Who Are Also On Zoom and Also Shouting?
Games My Children Have Invented While We're Trying to Avoid the Hospital
If You Give a Mom a Virtual School Schedule