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    • Satire, Essays, Stories
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  • Home
  • About Audrey
  • Satire, Essays, Stories
  • Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Artwork

Audrey Burges,
Author

Audrey Burges, Author Audrey Burges, Author Audrey Burges, Author

Other Writing and Projects

McSweeney's

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

Chicory by A. Burges

Talking Heads Lyrics, or Words My Kid Strings Together at Bedtime Instead of Falling Asleep at a Reasonable Hour?

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/talking-heads-lyrics-or-words-my-kid-strings-together-at-bedtime-instead-of-falling-asleep-at-a-reasonable-hour


I'm Vincent Van Gogh, and I Painted That Way Because I Knew it Would Look Really Sweet on a Mousepad

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-vincent-van-gogh-and-i-painted-that-way-because-i-knew-it-would-look-really-sweet-on-a-mousepad


I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Forty-Seven Valentines I Need to Take to School Tomorrow

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/im-beginning-to-think-you-dont-care-about-the-forty-seven-valentines-i-need-to-take-to-school-tomorrow


Are You Vacationing with Children or Starring in a Gripping Medical Drama?

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/are-you-vacationing-with-children-or-starring-in-a-gripping-medical-drama


My Mother's Day Gift to Myself is This Dissociative Episode in Costco

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/my-mothers-day-gift-to-myself-is-this-dissociative-episode-in-costco


Are You Preparing Dinner for Children or Starring in a Post-Apocalyptic Drama?

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/are-you-preparing-dinner-for-children-or-starring-in-a-post-apocalyptic-drama


Are you Baking Cookies with Children or Starring in a Gritty Crime Procedural? https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/are-you-baking-cookies-with-children-or-starring-in-a-gritty-crime-procedural


Welcome to Your At-Home High Intensity Interval Toddler Class!

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/welcome-to-your-at-home-high-intensity-interval-toddler-class


On the Seventh Day, God Created Parenting, and Then Parenting Created Coffee

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/on-the-seventh-day-god-created-parenting-and-then-parenting-created-coffee


Early Agent Feedback for Wutherton, An Emily Bronte Musical

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/early-agent-feedback-for-wutherton-an-emily-bronte-musical


Female Character Written by Hemingway, or My New Houseplant?

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/female-character-written-by-hemingway-or-my-new-houseplant


Herr Drosselmeyer, It Grieves Me to Disinvite You and Your Nutcracker from Future Holiday Parties

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/herr-drosselmeyer-it-grieves-me-to-disinvite-you-and-your-nutcracker-from-future-holiday-parties 


Things You Shout at Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shout at Your Children While Shouting at Colleagues Over Zoom?

https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/things-you-shout-at-colleagues-over-zoom-or-shout-at-your-children-while-shouting-at-colleagues-over-zoom

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

Larkspur by A. Burges

Hobart Pulp: "And to Dust You Shall Return" 

https://www.hobartpulp.com/web_features/and-to-dust-you-shall-return


Pithead Chapel: "Prism of Impact"

https://pitheadchapel.com/prism-of-impact/


Cease, Cows: "First Moments Through a Looking Glass"

https://ceasecows.com/2021/09/02/first-moments-through-a-looking-glass-by-audrey-burges/


Fudoki Magazine: "Elegy of Branches"

https://fudokimagazine.com/elegy-of-branches/


HAD: "For Our Forty-Fifth Birthday, My Imaginary Friend Requests a Freaky Friday Scenario"

https://www.havehashad.com/hadposts/for-our-forty-fifth-birthday-my-imaginary-friend-requests-a-freaky-friday-scenario


National Flash Flood Day: "The Devil You Know"

http://flashfloodjournal.blogspot.com/2021/06/the-devil-you-know-by-audrey-burges.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=twitter


Women Writers, Women's Books

I Feel Qualified to Write About a Luxury Sports Car Despite Never Touching One

http://booksbywomen.org/i-feel-qualified-to-write-about-a-luxury-sports-car-despite-never-touching-one-by-audrey-burges/


Women Writers, Women's Books

If Brevity is the Soul of Wit, Can I Ever Write a Funny Book?

http://booksbywomen.org/if-brevity-is-the-soul-of-wit-can-i-ever-write-a-funny-book/


Gingerbread House Literary Magazine:

The Gravity of Sisters

https://gingerbreadhouselitmag.com/2021/01/31/new-10/


Into the Void: 

Burritos and Birches

https://intothevoidmagazine.com/article/burritos-and-birches/


Human Parts: 

My Mother Edits the World

https://humanparts.medium.com/my-mother-edits-the-world-fa047410c647 


Empty Mirror: 

Surfacing the Toxins

https://www.emptymirrorbooks.com/personal-essay/surfacing-the-toxins 


Medium: 

A Tale of Love and Raisin Bread

 https://medium.com/@admin_33094/a-tale-of-love-and-raisin-bread-1291ce6fd848 


Small Feats of Heroism My Father Has Performed (https://medium.com/@admin_33094/small-feats-of-heroism-my-father-has-performed-998f7ba8a35f) 


The Shark Also Rises (https://medium.com/@admin_33094/the-shark-also-rises-43c530076a7e) 



The Belladonna

Stories, Essays and Creative Nonfiction

The Belladonna

Hydrangeas by A. Burges

 An Oral History of Saint Patrick by the Snakes He Banished from Ireland

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/an-oral-history-of-saint-patrick-by-the-snakes-he-banished-from-ireland-17bed186b3c


Remarks by an Archaeologist Excavating Ruins, or By Your Dad While Clearing Out the Fridge for Thanksgiving?

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/remarks-by-an-archaeologist-excavating-ruins-or-by-your-dad-while-clearing-out-the-fridge-for-9ab16e784719


Excerpts from the Erotic Thriller I Wrote Despite My Overwhelming Discomfort with Sex Scenes

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/excerpts-from-the-erotic-thriller-i-wrote-despite-my-overwhelming-discomfort-with-sex-scenes-a104e0dd8f7e


As This Neighborhood's Oldest Rubber Yard Zombie, I Call for an End to our Severed Arms Race

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/as-this-neighborhoods-oldest-rubber-yard-zombie-i-call-for-an-end-to-our-severed-arms-race-4948715b8a39


Rely on Small Child Construction for the Home Office Improvement Needs You Didn't Know You Had https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/rely-on-small-child-construction-for-the-home-office-improvement-needs-you-didnt-know-you-had-ab0a90a4e5e8 


Creating A Swan-Filled Lake as My Own Personal Dating Pool Has Gone Horribly Awry

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/creating-a-swan-filled-lake-as-my-own-personal-dating-pool-has-gone-horribly-awry-6759962cbd5f 


Excerpts From Are You There, God? It's Me, Momgret https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/excerpts-from-are-you-there-god-its-me-momgret-c44c82ac2136 


The Hurricane Association Condemns the Use of Performance-Enhancing Markers https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/the-hurricane-association-condemns-the-use-of-performance-enhancing-markers-31dcab250309 


Transcripts of the Calls I Imagine 911 Receives About My Parenting

https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/transcripts-of-the-calls-i-imagine-911-receives-about-my-parenting-22d59610bb9d 


Dante's Fitness Inferno (https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/dantes-fitness-inferno-31db3ff86215A) 


A Heartfelt "Thank You" to Swimsuit Designers (https://thebelladonnacomedy.com/a-heartfelt-thank-you-to-swimsuit-designers-7e5e3aa123c4)

 


Slackjaw

Other Satire Publications

The Belladonna

Sweet William by A. Burges


Our Family's Swimsuits Were Designed by World-Famous Architect Frank Gehry, and Innovation is Worth Some Discomfort

(9th place winner, 2021 Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge)

https://medium.com/slackjaw/our-familys-swimsuits-were-designed-by-world-famous-architect-frank-gehry-and-innovation-is-worth-a92b6afb8dfb


Pilot Transcript for HGTV's Playhouse Hunters

https://medium.com/slackjaw/pilot-transcript-for-hgtvs-playhouse-hunters-f79063b730ff


I'm the Rotting Cabbage on Your Windowsill, and I'm Begging You to Stop Pretending You're a Gardener

https://medium.com/slackjaw/im-the-rotting-cabbage-on-your-windowsill-and-i-m-begging-you-to-stop-pretending-you-re-a-18cb84a9df45


Euphemisms for the Sex You Try to Have When Your House is Also Your Office, School, Daycare, and 24-Hour Recreational Facility https://medium.com/slackjaw/euphemisms-for-the-sex-you-try-to-have-when-your-house-is-also-your-office-school-daycare-and-f0cd8e23b056 


MANUFRACTURE is a Brutal DIY Experience Where Only the Strong Survive

https://medium.com/slackjaw/manufracture-is-a-brutal-diy-experience-where-only-the-strong-survive-5f35ab9866bf 


Our New Weight Loss App for Kids is Totally Worth the Risk

 https://medium.com/slackjaw/our-new-weight-loss-app-for-kids-is-totally-worth-the-risk-c84347cff451 



Points in Case

Other Satire Publications

Other Satire Publications

Daffodils by A. Burges


Welcome to Gnomebox https://www.pointsincase.com/articles/welcome-to-gnomebox-the-toddler-fashion-service-with-totally-innocuous-motives


The Wake-Up Fairy Is Tired of Your Bullshit https://www.pointsincase.com/articles/the-wake-up-fairy-is-tired-of-your-bullshit


Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women https://www.pointsincase.com/articles/modern-male-authors-rework-literary-classics-by-women)

Other Satire Publications

Other Satire Publications

Other Satire Publications

Lilacs by A. Burges


Greener Pastures


A Beginner's Guide to Power Washers

https://medium.com/greener-pastures-magazine/a-beginners-guide-to-power-washers-e9c52f550e2d


Frazzled


Things You're Still Shouting At Your Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shouting At Your Children Who Are Also On Zoom and Also Shouting?

https://medium.com/frazzled/things-youre-still-shouting-at-your-colleagues-over-zoom-or-shouting-at-your-children-who-are-1df8a5ea64cd 


Games My Children Have Invented While We're Trying to Avoid the Hospital

https://medium.com/frazzled/games-my-children-have-invented-while-were-trying-to-avoid-the-hospital-67b2df974c7c


If You Give a Mom a Virtual School Schedule

https://medium.com/frazzled/if-you-give-a-mom-a-virtual-school-schedule-4e75c2b9654


Goodnight, Goodnight, Instruction Site

https://medium.com/frazzled/goodnight-goodnight-instruction-site-8e882d46d174 


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