Other Writing and Projects

The New Yorker:

All the Things I Could Do if I Had Backup Singers

What Your Lipstick Says About You

McSweeney's:

Welcome to My Well-Stocked Pantry of Empty Boxes

Young Lady, Those Shorts are Too Long

How Our Pants Fit

Introducing the First-Ever Thermostat for Perimenopausal People

Your Child will be Unenrolled from Camp Unless...

Terms and Conditions Under Which I Will Accompany You to a Live Musical Event

I'm Your Mom Playing a Video Game, and I Will Turn This Avatar Right Around if You Don't Watch Your Tone of Voice

I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Thirteen Birthday Parties We've Been Invited to This Month

Co-Parenting with Your Parent: A Guide for Older Siblings

Signs That You're Ready to Wear Taupe

Are You Decorating for the Holidays with Children, or Playing the Lead in a Heist Movie?

I'm Michelangelo, and Everyone on this Ceiling is as Naked and Jacked as God Intended

Please Come to My Emotional Labor Day Barbecue

I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Forty-Eight Pencils I Need for School Orientation Tomorrow

Talking Heads Lyrics, or Words My Kid Strings Together at Bedtime Instead of Falling Asleep at a Reasonable Hour?

I'm Vincent Van Gogh, and I Painted That Way Because I Knew it Would Look Really Sweet on a Mousepad

I'm Beginning to Think You Don't Care About the Forty-Seven Valentines I Need to Take to School Tomorrow

Are You Vacationing with Children or Starring in a Gripping Medical Drama?

My Mother's Day Gift to Myself is This Dissociative Episode in Costco

Are You Preparing Dinner for Children or Starring in a Post-Apocalyptic Drama?

Are you Baking Cookies with Children or Starring in a Gritty Crime Procedural? 

Welcome to Your At-Home High Intensity Interval Toddler Class!

On the Seventh Day, God Created Parenting, and Then Parenting Created Coffee

Early Agent Feedback for Wutherton, An Emily Bronte Musical

Female Character Written by Hemingway, or My New Houseplant?

Herr Drosselmeyer, It Grieves Me to Disinvite You and Your Nutcracker from Future Holiday Parties

Things You Shout at Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shout at Your Children While Shouting at Colleagues Over Zoom?

Writer's Digest: 

"On Giving Yourself Permission to Deviate"

"Writing Light When the World is Heavy"

Lost Balloon: "A Perfect Facsimile of Flight"

Bracken Magazine: "A Field Guide for Arboreal Memory Storage"

Pithead Chapel: "Prism of Impact"

Cease, Cows: "First Moments Through a Looking Glass"

Twin Pies: "You Are Cordially Invited to the Dirty Laundry Formal"

Fudoki Magazine: "Elegy of Branches"

National Flash Fiction Day: 

2022: "A Poor Workman Blames His Tools"

2021: "The Devil You Know"

Women Writers, Women's Books

"I Feel Qualified to Write About a Luxury Sports Car Despite Never Touching One"

Women Writers, Women's Books

"If Brevity is the Soul of Wit, Can I Ever Write a Funny Book?"

Gingerbread House Literary Magazine:

"The Gravity of Sisters"

Into the Void: 

"Burritos and Birches"

Human Parts: 

"My Mother Edits the World"

Empty Mirror: 

"Surfacing the Toxins"

Medium: 

A Tale of Love and Raisin Bread

Small Feats of Heroism My Father Has Performed 

The Shark Also Rises

 An Oral History of Saint Patrick by the Snakes He Banished from Ireland

Remarks by an Archaeologist Excavating Ruins, or By Your Dad While Clearing Out the Fridge for Thanksgiving?

Excerpts from the Erotic Thriller I Wrote Despite My Overwhelming Discomfort with Sex Scenes

As This Neighborhood's Oldest Rubber Yard Zombie, I Call for an End to our Severed Arms Race

Rely on Small Child Construction for the Home Office Improvement Needs You Didn't Know You Had  

Creating A Swan-Filled Lake as My Own Personal Dating Pool Has Gone Horribly Awry

Excerpts From Are You There, God? It's Me, Momgret  

The Hurricane Association Condemns the Use of Performance-Enhancing Markers  

Transcripts of the Calls I Imagine 911 Receives About My Parenting

Dante's Fitness Inferno

A Heartfelt "Thank You" to Swimsuit Designers 

Our Family's Swimsuits Were Designed by World-Famous Architect Frank Gehry, and Innovation is Worth Some Discomfort

(9th place winner, 2021 Slackjaw Humor Writing Challenge)

Pilot Transcript for HGTV's Playhouse Hunters

I'm the Rotting Cabbage on Your Windowsill, and I'm Begging You to Stop Pretending You're a Gardener

Euphemisms for the Sex You Try to Have When Your House is Also Your Office, School, Daycare, and 24-Hour Recreational Facility  

MANUFRACTURE is a Brutal DIY Experience Where Only the Strong Survive

Our New Weight Loss App for Kids is Totally Worth the Risk

Welcome to Gnomebox 

The Wake-Up Fairy Is Tired of Your Bullshit 

Modern Male Authors Rework Literary Classics by Women 

Greener Pastures

A Beginner's Guide to Power Washers

Frazzled

Things You're Still Shouting At Your Colleagues Over Zoom, or Shouting At Your Children Who Are Also On Zoom and Also Shouting?

Games My Children Have Invented While We're Trying to Avoid the Hospital

If You Give a Mom a Virtual School Schedule

Goodnight, Goodnight, Instruction Site